"I’m working on an open letter and it goes like this:
Guess what, Martin Luther King; I had a fuckin’ dream, too. I had a dream that I was in my living room — it wasn’t my living room but it was, like, playing my living room in the dream — and I walked through to the backyard and there’s a pool and as I’m diving in, there’s a shark coming up from the water…with braces. So maybe you’re not so fucking special. Martin ‘Loser’ King! Yeah, I want to be the first comic ever to shit on Martin Luther King because people only talk about the good things. They don’t mention he was a litterbug. He would roll up all the windows and lock them and fart in the car while his family suffered…and he would laugh."
|Me whispering:||"You look really pretty..."
|Pretty girl:||"What did you say?"
|Me nervously yelling:||"I SAID YOU LOOK REALLY SHITTY, GOODBYE!" *runs away*